0 Bachelor Season 17, Episode 4 Recap

Episode 4 starts out with a Chris Harrison sighting. Little known fact: Chris is starting his own clothing line
Tierra must have missed the memo about him showing up as she looked like she just woke up. Alternatively it's par for the course with the first Sean sighting; shirtless and boxer briefs along with a rear shot of him getting dressed. In a couple more episodes he is just going to stroll around naked.
 Selma has the girls out for the date and Sean is taking them all in. I wish I knew how to screen capture because I would love to make a gif out of him staring down her shirt. She is all over Sean, just throwing her body on him and draping herself on him. I don't get Selma. She's successful and pretty and she can't get a man? What gives? Upon further realization  Selma is a fucking brat. She complains twice about the heat and is quite a princess; she normally wears six inch heels. This was a smart move by Sean (not a surprise with that name) testing her with something she would hate to see her reaction. Or maybe it's his goal to just get her to need him so he can feel like "the man" and in control.

As an aside, I love Bachelor product placement. It's not even remotely subtle. Bluestar Jets is going to be my go-to for private jet rental. Sean is such a Jeep dude. You know the type. Football, Jeeps and apple pie.

The date is rock climbing and Selma is actually very impressive once she starts. I love the gratuitous cleavage shots, just trying to appeal to the men who are forced to watch this with their spouses or significant others. Sean doesn't feel a need to change his pink khaki shorts, buttoned shirt or remove his dress watch. He's that guy who wears jeans to go to the gym and run on the treadmill.

The second part of the date is something that I still don't really understand. A double wide theme park seems like a disappointing date. At least you won't forget it. I like Sean's sentiment that "after a year, it's only natural to bring up marriage" as if that's a normal thing. Sean is perpetually awkward. He refuses to make a move. I'm confused.  With Selma's background why she would go on this show? I feel like she would be ostracized by her family if what she is saying is true. Maybe she is playing the long game though and trying to hook Sean and keep him on the line. She is showing her boobs and blinking her eyes and making Sean want to chase her and kiss her. Trust me. As a dude, the thrill of the chase is what keeps you going. Well played Selma. Well played.

 Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the card for the group date shows up, setting up the roller derby that they have been advertising for a couple of weeks. Since alcohol defuses everything, the women are drinking mimosas in the morning. The Bachelor just seems like week after week of Senior Week, only with less sex. Sean has never met a superlative he didn't love. He walks into the dilapidated roller rink and calls it "amazing". Man. Did none of these girls go to the roller rink in grade school? Remember that? That one kid always had roller blades and would show off. I haven't forgotten you weaving in and out of people holding hands, Tommy Reiff. Dick.

I'm a little confused why Sarah got brought on this date. She didn't get invited to the volleyball match for good reason. Side note: How awful is her voice? She comes off like an awful girl from The Hills. Amanda has a little evil thing going on for her and she gets what is coming to her when she falls. Karma is a bitch. That's why you don't play head games. Also, I'm not a medical doctor, but you would know if your jaw was broken or fractured. I understand that for legal reasons they have to take her to the hospital in a non-ambulance but come on. Sean is actually wearing pads and roller skates while some slow jams are playing which just perpetuates the image of him as a big old awkward 8th grader.
Lindsay shows off her impressive mental faculties at the beginning of the group date talking about the best and worst things about skating. I would imagine she is going to have substitute in front of her title for a long time. Amanda shows up back from the hospital and talks about her intent to play the sympathy card. This is not going to play well on the reunion show.

Another flash back to the ranch shows the girls (women?) awaiting a card. Daniella has never met a low cut shirt she didn't like. I loved the Pretty Women shout-out. It's not often you would see someone glamorizing a prostitute so you have to drink it up when you can.

Back to the group date, some drama starts to show up. The irony of Tierra calling someone immature is immense. I love Lindsay. "Did you bring your bathing suit?" She is fantastic. Tierra's breakdown which has been brewing finally results in a one on one talk with Sean. She must have missed the memo where having a freak out means you go home or get sent home. Sean listens to her and walks away and probably the creepiest stare of the whole season results. My kingdom for a screen capture. Tierra wins this week with her freak out and that is going to lead to some shit. Mark my words.

How has Leslie never gotten jewelry from a boyfriend in her life? That seems to defy reality. Sean rolls into the date with a vest that would make an 11 year old boy proud. I hope he doesn't ask for more soup, because he would be in for a rude disappointment  As they drive away, one of the women says "Pretty Woman". What kind of twisted producer thinks that a movie about a prostitute is something to idealize and plan a date around? Everyone leaves out the basic premise of the movie when they talk about Pretty Woman being their favorite movie.
I can't tell if Neil Lane has chewing tobacco in or not just looking at his jaw. It would make my day if Sean pulled out a tin and Neil bummed a chew. I hate the idea that spending a lot of money makes someone "feel like a woman". Good message there ABC.

Sean says that today's date is the most romantic date he could ever dream up. Wow. First off, you didn't dream this date up. You stole it, verbatim, from a 20 year old movie. I would be insulted if someone watched a movie about a guy picking up a prostitute and thought that was romantic. And not just romantic, but the most romantic thing ever. I wish Siobhan had incorporated Weird Science into one of our dates. I would have been over the moon. Sean basically admits that Leslie is going to go home halfway through dinner, right after she tells him her parents are divorced. It's also a little insulting when someone gets taken home in a minivan. You couldn't spring for a limo? They should take things up a notch and have girls get taken home in smart cars. Would be a power move.

The sad music plays as Leslie gets driven away and the girls all gasp. The scene ends with the slow motion rose fall. Such cookie cutter bullshit. The final rose ceremony cocktail party begins. I wish a girl who had already won a rose showed up to a final ceremony in sweatpants. The girls all talk to Sean, and he says the same thing to every one of them. These women are all going to be so heart broken when Sean sends them home. Robyn takes control and pulls him towards her to kiss him. This show is all about Sean not making the 1st move. Tierra decides to go talk to Robyn and it goes basically exactly how you would expect things to go. More irony with Tierra, the queen of immaturity, talking about high school petty behavior.  Sean is talking with Catherine and brings up "the friend zone". It took me a while, but I finally figured out who Sean is. He is Josh Baskin aka the main character in the movie Big. He is a 12 year old boy stuck in a 30 year old man's body.

The actual ceremony starts and Daniella has a little Mckayla Maroney face going for her. I am shocked he keeps Catherine as they had spent no time together before the 5 minutes before the rose ceremony.  Amanda must have missed makeup class during her fit modeling, because it looks like she applied it in the middle of a blackout. Sean in a bit of a twist, sends Amanda home, keeping the girls whose names we still don't know.

It's looking like a double post week next week with a double episode. It looks oh so promising with Tierra being evil and getting hypothermia and a possible showdown.