Jamie Dixon Cider

Friday, April 19, 2013

0 5 for Friday, April 19th

Here's another 5 for Friday, coming straight at you from beautiful and rainy Shadyside...

1. Buying a house can really suck. Last week, I said buying a house is expensive. I forgot to leave out the part that it can really suck. I learned on Wednesday that the super late appraisal didn't go well, which means I'm stuck scrambling for another mortgage. And it also means that I might be homeless come May 1st. Seriously, people didn't do their jobs and now I'm left in limbo and totally stressed out. The sad part of the whole situation is that I purposely made closing in 60 days in order to avoid ever getting stressed out over having to make quick decisions. To anyone buying a house, make sure you pester everyone, don't just assume people will do their jobs and make sure you pick a good mortgage person. But yeah, house you better be worth it because it has really sucked buying you.

2. Daft Punk is big time. Daft Punk has a new single out called "Get Lucky" and it is awesome. I haven't been able to stop listening to it since it dropped. There is no way you can't like this song. Daft Punk is awesome, and Pharrell, one of the coolest people out there, is awesome with the vocals. By the way Daft Punk has not one, but TWO songs on Kanye's new album, When asked about the songs in Rolling Stone they said Kanye was "screaming primally" and "It was very raw: he was rapping – kind of screaming primally, actually." I have no idea what that actually means but it sounds awesome. Time to listen to "Get Lucky" again. Yep, Daft Punk you guys are pretty big time.

3. NBA Playoffs are back!!! The best playoffs in all of sports are returning this weekend and I can't wait. Why are they the best? Because you get to watch the highest and best basketball in the whole world. Spare me the college basketball is better nonsense. I'm a huge Pitt fan, but college basketball is over-coached with many inexperienced players. NBA playoff basketball is on whole other level. You have the best athletes in the world battling every night making big plays, hitting big shots and getting big stops. Don't be a hater, watch and enjoy. NBA playoffs, I can't wait to watch ya!

4. The Senate is worthless. A gun bill failed to pass the Senate because it was filibustered. You gotta love the filibuster rules in the senate, 59 senators agree to a bill but the bill can't pass because a minority says no. Completely and totally ridiculous. And guess what you don't even have to filibuster to filibuster. Back in the day if you wanted to filibuster you had to talk to whole time. So if you wanted to filibuster a gun control bill you'd have to stand in front of the Senate and go on whatever rant you pleased. Instead, Senators can just say they are going to filibuster without actually doing any real filibustering. If you want to block a gun bill that over 80% of Americans agree with, stand up, show your face and let people really see that you are blocking the bill. Don't just hide behind a ridiculous rule. And Democrats in the Senate who voted against the bill, you guys are the worst. You voted against it because you were afraid of not getting reelected. Your job as a Senator is to do what's best for the country and not to just get reelected. A lot of the nonsense in politics would be eliminated if there were term limits. Ugh, DEEP BREATHS... I have to continue this rant later, it's 5 for Friday, not 4 for Friday with one really long rant. So Senate you along with your stupid filibuster rules are completely worthless, so take your filibuster rules and shove

5. Boston Bombing. Two guys decide to inflict horror on countless people. Words cannot describe how horrible the bombers are. FUCK you and anyone else who will stoop to such heinous levels.

1 Facebook is terrible

There is no good way to put it. Facebook has become an awful thing, an albatross around people's necks. Five years ago, Facebook was great. You could creep on people's spring break pictures, watch people have a meltdown in real time or see who got fat or bald (or both) since high school.

But Facebook has changed. Now, you are bombarded with people sharing random nonsense that you don't care about. You see a million pictures of other people's babies (side note: I don't give a shit about your two month old, random person who I had class with 6 years ago, unless you are posing them in puerile pictures). People feel the need to air their dirty laundry or their backwards ass social views or get in a Facebook fight about something. I don't care about your engagement proposal or the 250 photos from your wedding. People lurk on Facebook, just waiting for someone to upload a status or picture so they can like or comment on it. Facebook is full of modern day chain letters (for example, people posting some piece of nonsense about veterans or this sick baby) which flood your feed. Facebook has also turned from a place full of teenagers and 20-somethings into baby boomer central. The Caps Lock Key is in full effect and old people have no sense of internet etiquette. My girlfriend will talk about a person and describe something happening in their life, and when I ask how she knows about this, Facebook is the answer. Facebook has replaced actual social contact and communication.

For these, and other reasons, I have stopped using Facebook for myself. I don't wish people happy birthday, I don't comment on statuses, I don't like photos. My only Facebook connection is a page I created for the dog, where I upload pictures from his point of view and try to be creative.

0 5 for Friday, April the 12th

Seriously, this will be regular feature. I just had to missed last Friday's because I was en route to a bachelor party in beautiful Kentucky that was filled with tons of beers, bros and bourbon. Anyways excuses aside here are 5 random things racking my always random brain...

1. Elysium is going to be the movie of the Summer. In case you missed it, the trailer for Elysium dropped this week and it looks amazing:

The movie is directed by Neil Blomkamp who directed District 9 a great movie that one day in the distant future will be mentioned in the best of movies discussion. I'm also a fan of Matt Damon who is always solid. For whatever reason, I love all movies and books with a dystopian future, which it sure looks like I will get plenty of in the movie. By the way the effects also look pretty awesome. So mark it down, Elysium will be big time and it will be THE movie of the Summer.

2. Obama, your budget sucks and you drives me crazy. I have a love/hate relationship with you, President Obama. I love the fact that you aren't a soul crushing conservative crazy person BUT I don't like a lot of stuff you do. Take the budget you just proposed, it includes a chained-CPI, which from what I read is basically a cut in Social Security. After releasing the budget, you then said the chained-CPI wasn't your idea but it was a Republican idea. If it's not your idea, then why include it in YOUR budget. When you are negotiating with someone, you say what you want, the other side says what you want and then you make deals. By including it in your budget, you claim ownership to the issue. Republicans are getting attack ads ready to say how you are taking money from seniors. I mean technically you are right that it isn't your idea but how didn't you learn from 2010 when you announced a "cut" in Medicare that was originally a Republican idea. Heck, Paul Ryan who basically invented the idea tried to use it in the last election against you. I mean come on, how can you act surprised that it is happening again. You really need to learn how to negotiate better. By the way, Social Security has no business being cut by you since you are supposed to be a Democrat. If anything you should be expanding it. Also, what is your deal you just listen to Ronald Reagan cause even he knew that Social Security doesn't contribute to the deficit. I'm just glad that it looks like a lot of the progressive good guys like Senator Elizabeth Warren aren't going to let this Social Security cut nonsense go through. You are a Democrat, start acting like one. So Barry Obama, your budget sucks and stop driving me crazy.

3. Mineo's is the best pizza in the Burgh. I just had Mineo's last night and it was fantastic as always. I don't care what other people say, Mineo's always delivers great taste. So if you want some tasty Za, go to Mineo's it is the best.

4. Time really does fly the older you get. I remember years ago when I was in Elementary school, I once complained to my Uncle about how slow school is. He responded that I shouldn't be complaining about that because time moves faster and faster the older you get. I'm pretty sure I thought he was crazy at the time. But he was absolutely 100% correct.¹ I can't believe that it is already the middle of April of 2013. I've been out of law school for over 5 years, which just seems crazy to me. Before I know it, it will be my 31st birthday and I swear I just turned 30. Where the heck has all the time gone? Ugh, I'm getting old way too fast. So time, I really wish you would slow down.

5. Buying a house is expensive. I'm about to close on my first house Larryville and costs keep on piling up.² It's not just the list of fees like title insurance or inspection, it's stuff like furniture or paint or appliances Going from a small apartment to be big house is a huge chance. There is just so much more space to fill up. But what is awesome is that I can do anything I want to it. If I want to rip down a wall, I can do that. If I want to change floors, I can do that. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Also another benefit, I know I won't be moving next year. My streak of 7 straight years of moving is about to end. So house I know you are going to be awesome, I just wish you would stop costing me so much money.

¹There is even some research that supports the idea that we perceive time differently as we age. http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20120709-does-life-speed-up-as-you-age
²Full disclosure: by "my first house" I mean the house my roommate and I are buying and living happily in together. Whenever you see the house, she will be the reason why it looks so cool.

0 The Accidental Horribleness of Accidental Racist

A song as ridiculous as Accidental Racist, deserves a special breakdown.

Sean: Tell me you saw the Brad Paisley/ L.L. Cool J song...

Marty: All I can say is wow. I can’t believe that this is an actual song. It is bad on soooo many levels. It is bad on an intelligence level, bad on a common sense level, bad on a this is nonsense level and most importantly bad on a musical level.

Sean: April Fool’s Day was a week ago. People pulled pranks, told tall tales and exaggerated things. I told one of my friends that I got engaged. Lindsay Lohan tweeted out (a day late, naturally) that she was pregnant. Those are the kind of hi-jinks you expect on April Fool’s Day. Today is a week from April Fool’s Day. If you say something now, you mean it. If you release a song starring a country singer and a rap “artist” (artist gets air quotes because LL Cool J hasn’t released a commercially successful album in quite some time and is more well known for acting on NCIS) and call this song “Accidental Racist” you are being serious.

Marty: It really could be an April Fool’s day joke. I mean how many rappers did Brad Paisley get turned down by before he got to L.L. Cool J? It would have to be at least double digits. Or maybe Brad Paisley is a huge NCIS fan and L.L. Cool J is the only rapper that he knows of.

Sean: The song is, quite simply, a train wreck. Brad Paisley starts by talking about how wearing a Confederate flag isn’t offensive; it shows his love for Lynyrd Skynyrd. Not to be obtuse, Brad, but why not just wear a Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt? That would seem a more appropriate way to showcase your Skynyrd adoration. The song continues with this understated line “Just a proud rebel son with an 'ol can of worms”. That’s like calling 300 years of outright slavery followed by 100 years of institutionalized slavery a hiccup (also, people claiming southern pride forget that black people also lived in the south. I doubt they feel the same type of southern pride). Oh wait, that’s exactly what that is.

The LL Cool J lines are incredible. I mean the dictionary definition of incredible: So implausible as to elicit disbelief.

Marty: There is no way that a Confederate flag isn’t offensive. And that’s just how it is. I’m a white dude and I’m offended whenever I see some idiot with that flag on their truck. Southern pride is just code word for being allowed to be racist. Is there Northern pride? Is there Western pride? Is there South-West pride? No. So why the hell is there Southern pride? The only thing that the South has different from the rest of America is that they fought an entire war so that they could continue to have slaves. A war, which last time I checked you lost. Yep, that flag that gives you so much pride is a flag of a bunch of big, huge losers who were also traitors. Yeah, that sure sounds like something to be proud of. The Confederate flag is tied to racism and hate just as much as a Nazi-Swastika is tied to racism and hate. If someone said that they were wearing a Nazi-Swastika because they are for German pride and not because they hate anything, you’d say they were crazy. So Brad Paisley, you are crazy.

Take a look at a few lines from LL Cool J’s rap:

“I wish you understood

What the world is really like when you're livin' in the hood”

Sean: Hood is a colloquialism for neighborhood. Everyone lives in one.

Marty: Way to go L.L. Cool J keep on perpetuating the stereotype that all black people live in the ‘hood.

“Just because my pants are saggin' doesn't mean I'm up to no good

You should try to get to know me, I really wish you would”

Sean: Sagging pants. Is this the 90’s?

Marty: Ha, so spot on. Kanye would never allow himself to be seen looking sloppy with sagging pants. Looking like a hipster is what’s in. Besides when do you think was the last time that L.L. Cool J sagged his pants 1993?

“Now my chains are gold but I'm still misunderstood

I wasn't there when Sherman's March turned the south into firewood”

Sean: Nice little slavery metaphor there.

Marty: Hey L.L. why was General Sherman even in the South? Because the South decided to fight a Civil War. What was General Sherman supposed to do? Play nice and hope the South realized they needed to be reasonable and would stop fighting the North? I’m sure that would have worked.

“I'd love to buy you a beer, conversate and clear the air

But I see that red flag and I think you wish I wasn't here”

Sean: Well you don’t have to think that. If you opened a book you would know that the Confederate flag is a throwback to the Civil War, when blacks were property, not people.

Marty: Exactly.

And how about when they go back and forth, L.L. equates a do-rag with a Confederate flag (yeah those two things are soooo similar) and gold chains to iron chains (so according to L.L. as long as you let him wear some gold he’ll forgive you for that whole little slavery thing). L.L. Cool J also calls himself a black Yankee. When was the last time that someone from the North seriously referred to himself as a Yankee? L.L. saved the best in the back and forth for last: “RIP Robert E. Lee but I’ve gotta thank Abraham Lincoln for freeing me, know what I mean” I’m so glad you are thanking Abraham Lincoln for freeing you L.L. I’m waiting for a mash up of a Jewish rapper with a neo-Nazi. RIP Hitler but I gotta thank FDR for keeping me alive, know what I mean?

Sean: I don’t really know what else there is to say about this song. It seems like a clear cry for help or attention for LL Cool J. It may be good for him temporarily, but his CBS NCIS overlords do not like controversy and controversy this will cause. No one will care about Paisley because, quite frankly, country music has a reputation for being close minded and conservative. This isn’t fair, but life’s not fair.

Marty: I really don’t understand why L.L. Cool J ever decided to do this song. He has to be really wealthy right? I don’t see how making really bad music and making excuses for racists is a good career move. And Brad Paisley you say the past is the past and you want to move on. How about you stop wearing a flag that represents the past? I think that would be a really good start. By the way you aren’t being accidental when you wear the Confederate flag full knowing that a lot of people associate it was racism. It’s called being purposefully racist. L.L. and Brad if you are going to go with the whole controversial song gimmick how about you actually make a good song and not this train wreck of a mess that really shouldn’t even be called music. All I can do is SMDH about all this nonsense.

0 Pranks on Pranks on Pranks

Who doesn't love a good April Fools' Day prank? I certainly love them. I think my first April Fools' Day prank was a 6-year-old me putting Pop Rocks on my Grandfather's spaghetti. He had no idea what hit him. In honor of April Fools' Day, I've come up with a list of some of the best pranks on the web. I feel as if I'm very well versed in most pranks on the web because I was once got in a Youtube Vortex where I probably spent 3 hours watching pranks. In no particular order, here are some of my favorites:

1. No one wants to wake up next to really freaky dude with a beard...