0 5 for Friday, June 21st

Another Friday and another 5 for Friday.  This 5 for Friday is happening on the first day of Summer and you couldn't ask for a nicer day in the Burgh.  So in honor of Summer here are the top 5  Will Smith (why Will Smith?  Because I think he's awesome.  So awesome that I sang Gettin' Jiggy Wit It in my high school English class to earn extra credit once) Summer movies of all-time..

5.  Men in Black III... a solid rebound for the Men in Black franchise after the pretty bad Men in Black II.  Although, it loses points because Will Smith didn't sing a song for it.  Pit-Bull is no Will Smith and that song he had for the movie was horrible.

4. I, Robot... an underrated sci-fi flick and a solid Summer movie that keeps you entertained.

3.  Bad Boys II... No one does explosions and car chases better than Michael Bay and the interaction between Martin Lawrence and Will Smith is great.

2. Men in Black... yet another entertaining summer movie with lots of laughs and big special effects.  A great Summer movie.

1. Independence Day...is a masterpiece of masterpieces.  It has some of Will Smith's greatest one liners such as "Welcome to Earth" and "I've got to get me one of these."  It seriously doesn't get much better than this.  ID4 is the perfect Summer movie with plenty of action, explosions, special effects and aliens.

Y'all have a great weekend and enjoy the start of Summer!

0 5,000 Posts

The JDC has reached 5,000 posts, so I'd like to thank all of our loyal readers.  I'm not sure if 5,000 is a lot but it is better than 0 readers.  There is going to be lots of content coming straight at you including a review of Kanye's insane album, a ranking of the top conspiracy theories of all time and a long brewing essay on why Hipsters rule the world.  Also, if anyone has any requests on future posts, email me at jamiedixoncider@gmail.com. 

Thanks again for all the reading!

0 5 for Friday, June 7

Another Friday means another 5 for Friday.  In honor of Lonely Island, the group with Andy Samberg that was behind all of the awesome SNL digital shorts, releasing another album this upcoming Tuesday, this 5 for Friday is the top 5 Lonely Island music videos.  Their performance of their new song Semicolon¹ with Alanis Morissette is pretty decent.

Highlights:
Did I do that; Urkle.
Yo Angela who's the boss; Merkle.
A comma and a f&*king dot; semicolon.
You acting all Macchio; Ralph.
But I'll eat all you cats; Alf.

A nice and ironic performance by the Lonely Island with a little help from Alanis

Now onto the top 5...

5. Natalie's Rap


Highlights:
What you want Natalie?  To drink and fight.
What you need Natalie? To f%*k all night.
All the kids looking up to me can suck my dick.

Okay, I have to admit this song probably doesn't belong, but I don't care at all. I love Natalie. I'd do anything for Natalie. She's on the top of my celeb list.  Basically, she's so Big Time.  And it's awesome seeing her be the complete opposite of your expectations of her.  It's like the super awesome Chappel Show Skit with Wayne Brady.  So yeah the song isn't the greatest.  However, Natalie is the greatest, which means she's on the list.  It's my blog and I'll do what I want.

4. I'm On a Boat

Highlights:
I got my swim trunks and my flippy floppies.
Believe me when I say I f*&ked a mermaid.

The beginning of the video is awesome and is classic Lonely Island..  It looks like Andy is going to pick the rest of Lonely Island to go on a free boat ride but then the camera pans to T-Pain and the ridiculousness starts.  Over-the-top and ridiculous.  That's how Lonely Island rolls.

3.  Jack Sparrow

Highlights:
From the day he was born, he yearned for adventure.
Old Captain Jack giving them what for.
He's the pauper of the surf.
The jester of Tortuga.
But is Davy Jones' locker what lies in store?

Michael Bolton, the king of soft rock ballads + Random Movie References+ Lonely Island = Big Time.  I'm going to like anything with Michael Bolton.  I'm pretty sure listening to How Can We Be Lovers way too many times while drunk in college brainwashed me to like Michael Bolton.  Michael Bolton is the king of soft rock ballads.   Serious question though, how can two people be lovers when they can't even be friends?²

2.  Motherlover

Highlights:
What time is it dog? It's time for switch-a-roo.
Cause I'm a motherlover.  Your a motherlover.  We should f*&k each other's mothers.
Cause every mother's day needs a mother's night.
If doing it is worng, then I don't wanna be right.
It would be my honor to be your new step-father.

I debated between Motherlover and Dick in A Box and both certainly are great.  But I like Motherlover better because it just sounds better.  Either way, both songs are great in the Lonely Island way.

1.  I Just Had Sex

Highlights:
She could be my wife.  That good?  The best 30 seconds of my life.
I think she might have been a racist.  Doesn't matter had sex. She put a bag on my head.  Still counts.

Simply the best of the  best.  No explanation needed.  Honestly, I think Akon could sing any kind of lyric and it would sound great.

¹If you want to be a grammar nerd and want to know how to correctly use a semicolon, then check out this great explanation: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon
² I couldn't talk about Michael Bolton without asking.

0 Big Time Reccomendation: DVR Jeopardy

What do you get when you combine the greatest TV game show with one of the greatest invention of modern times?  A perfect 15 minutes of entertainment.  When I first added Jeopardy to the DVR, I'm pretty sure my roommate thought, "Huh? Typical Marty. Adding pointless stuff to the DVR."  But even she will tell you how awesome DVR'ing Jeopardy is.  Seriously, everyone loves yelling out answers at home and everyone loves learning random facts.  I've probably been doing it for over 20 years since first starting with my Dad. Quick tip for you, if the category has something to do with American generals from the 20th century, MacArthur will be an answer.  Trust me, it happens. 

Anyways, a streamlined episode of Jeopardy without the commercials just feels right.  Just when the game is getting into a flow, there is that first commercial break followed by the very awkward interactions between Alex and the contestants.  With a DVR you can skip the commercials and only have a minor break with the awkward interactions.  I warn you though, do not be tempted to skip the awkward interactions.  The awkward interactions are awesome and should never be skipped.  Where else can you see smart and nerdy people try to be interesting with really weird stories?  Off the top of my head, there was the lady who collected WNBA merchandise and had her whole apartment decorated with it. It's also awesome, when the contestant talks about what kind of science they are doing and Alex asks a follow-up question.  I'm pretty sure the entire time Alex is thinking, "Shut up nerd!  I have no idea what any of this jibber jabber means."  Another benefit when using a DVR with Jeopardy is that you can pause and rewind to catch the reactions to contestants.  It's always funny seeing one contestant be a bit too bitter when another contestant gets a Double Jeopardy. 

Speaking of contestants, having a DVR means I never get to miss an episode when a contestant is on a run or one of the semi-finals in a Tournament.    This means I got to see every performance of the following three contestants who were awesome in their own ways:
1. Leonard:  High School Champ.  He was down huge after day one of the finals and came roaring back.  The most ridiculous part was that he wrote,

"Who is some guy in Normandy. But I just won $75,000," even though he would have lost if the other contestant had answered correctly. 

2. Colby: Teacher's Champion and Tournament of Champions Champ.  Colby has some of the most ridiculous facial expressions ever.  He had an epic run and just crushed his competition.  Bonus, if you Google "Colby Jeopardy" some of the top results are the cockiest Jeopardy player ever and Colby's Degeneration X "Suck it" Victory move. 

 
3. Drew:  8 day champion who earned only $138,000 with major luck and grinding.  He started off as annoying but ended up awesome.  Maybe it was his constant guessing at questions that he had no idea the correct answer was but still somehow got it right or the fact that I'm pretty sure he missed the final Jeopardy question three days in a row but still won.  Yep, Drew was awesome.

Finally, now since I've watched a ton of Jeopardy for months straight, I now have an extra amount of  random knowledge to throw out there.  Learning really can be fun.  Finally, since I have seen enough of Final Jeopardy, I now know the right amount each contestant should have wagered, which means I can go on a mini-rant whenever a contestant messes up.  Take last night's episode, first place had about 21K, second place had 20K and third place had nearly nothing.  In this case, the only way second place wins is if first place misses the question.  There is no reason for second place to bet anything.  However, what does second place do? Risk all of his money, gets it wrong and because first place also go it wrong, third place wins with a measly 6K.  Come on now contestants, math isn't that hard. 

See what all you have missed out on by not DVR'ing Jeopardy? A Big Time amount of entertainment, on entertainment, on entertainment.  So when you get home, be sure to add a season pass for Jeopardy to your DVR, you won't regret it. 

0 Breakdown: New Slaves and Black Skinheads

In case you missed it, Kanye West recently performed two songs off his new album at SNL.  With how much I love Kanye, I couldn't let two new songs be release without doing a breakdown.  Before I get to the breakdown, I have to say, his idea to premier New Slaves by broadcasting it on buildings across the world was so Big Time.  Who needs the media when you can create your own premier?  Now onto the actual songs.

First, New Slaves...

My momma was raised in an era when clean water was only served to the fairer skin
You know Kanye doesn't care what the public thinks about him when he starts off one of his first singles off his new album with a reference to segregation.¹
You see it's broke nigga racism that's that "Don't touch anything in the store" and this rich nigga racism that's that "Come here, please buy more."
Money changes everything but does it really change anything?
You see it's leaders and there's followers but I'd rather be a prick (dick) than a swallower
For SNL he changed the lyric to prick from dick.  So FCC, prick is okay but dick is too far?  And niggas is okay? Sounds about right.  But this is perfect summary of Kanye by Kanye.  He will always pick being an asshole over doing what people say he should do.
They throwing hate at me want me to stay at ease f*&k you and your corporations y'all niggas can't control me
Corporations run the world but they don't run Kanye.
I'm going Bobby Boucher
Only Kanye would throw in a reference to cinematic feat that is Waterboy after talking about not being able to be controlled.
I know that pussy ain't free 
No one, even Ye, get's pussy for free.
You niggas pussy, ain't me
So all you other rappers who don't actually say what you think, you are the real pussies.
Y'all throwing contracts at me.  You know that niggas can't read.  Throw 'em some Mayback keys"
Exploiting of others, fun times.
F*&k it, c'est la vie
I too like to end conversations about depressing and unchanging subjects with c'est la vie.  For example, when talking about how ridiculously corrupt money has made politics I will end the conversation by saying, "Well money controls everything.  Nothing we can do about it. C'est la vie."
 Y'all niggas can't fuck with Ye  I'll move my family out the country so you can't see what I stay so go grad the reporters so I can smash their recorders
Kanye loves his privacy.³  If I was famous, I'd smash the paparazzi too.  They are horrible human beings profiting on the ridiculous celebrity culture we have.
Like the New World Order Meanwhile the DEA teamed up with CCA they trying lock niggas up they tryna make new slaves see that's that privately owned prisons get your piece today they prolly  all in the Hamptons braggin' 'bout what they made
I love me a good conspiracy theory.  And this is a good one from Kanye.  The CCA is a company that manages more than 60 prisons.  The CCA pays lots of its inmates below minimum wage for many different jobs. The CCA also likes to get contracts that guarantee prison occupancy rates at 90%.  So basically Kanye is saying the drug war is designed to keep the prisons filled with low wage workers.  The Drug War is complete BS.  Waste so much time and money over drugs.  And it does seem really strange to me that the CCA gets contracts guaranteeing prisons will be filled.  Shouldn't we be working to make prisons as empty as possible?  Also, why are prisons ever privately owned?  It makes no sense to me.  So maybe Kanye is onto something, but then again I love me a good conspiracy theory.
F*&k you and your Hampton house I'll f*&k your Hampton spouse came on her Hampton blouse and in her Hampton mouth
Hey all all you rich dudes in the Hamptons, the scary Kanye West is coming for your wives.
Y'all bout to turn shit up I'm 'bout to tear shit down I'm 'bout to air shit out now what the f*&k they gonna say now?
Kanye is going to say things as he sees them and you can't do anything about it.  Yep, that's Kanye for you.

Second, Black Skinhead...⁴
For my theme song my leather black jeans on my by any means on pardon I'm getting my scream on
Leather black jeans seem like an appropriate thing to wear during a theme song.  By the way, thanks for being so courteous about your impending screams that we are going to have to listen to.
They see a black man with a white woman at the top floor they gone come to kill King Kong
A black man couldn't marry a white woman until the 60s in some states in America.
Middle America packed in came to see me in my black skin
I was one of those middle Americans who pay to see his black skin.  His concerts are awesome and are worthy every penny.
My homey was number one draft pick they still burned his jersey in Akron
LeBron James shout out.  If LeBron James hadn't been such a dick about his decision, then I really doubt any of the anger happens.  No one burned anything in Pittsburgh when Barry Bonds left.
Like them black kids in Chiraq bitch
One of the facts that I learned while writing this entry, Chicago is sometimes called Chiraq by black kids in Chicago due to the high murder rate.  Fun times right?
So follow me up cause this shit's about to go down I'm doin' 500, I'm outta control now but there's nowhere to go, no and there's no way to slow down runnin' out of time - moving fast so just close your eyes and then enjoy this crash
Kanye thinks he's hit a creative zone and that you are going to want to come along with him for the ride even including the crash.

So that's the lyrics.  As songs, I like New Slaves better than Black Skinheads. It definitely takes a while to get used to the primal screaming on Black Skinheads.  But a lot of Kanye West songs take multiple listens to really like.  I didn't like 808s and Heartbreaks until after a bunch of listens.  Now I love his auto-tuned break up album.  Overall, both songs are pretty over the top filled with over-the-top and controversial statements and Kanye being Kanye.  But would you expect anything less from Kanye at this point?  I know I don't and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I can't wait for the whole album to see what else Kanye West has in store for us.

¹I know a lot of people hate Kanye.  But there is a lot to appreciate about Kanye as an artist.  He could have easily released album after album that sounded like one of his earlier albums such as Late Registration and he would have been really successful.  However, he doesn't do that because that's not who he is.  He says true to himself regardless of his haters.  You gotta at least respect him for that.  I have a lot more to say about Kanye that I'm going to save for a much longer post.
²L.L. Cool J and that country singer dude would not approve of this song.
³So you ask, why is Kanye with Kim K.?  I have no idea.  It makes no sense.  Kanye loves privacy. Kim has no idea what privacy means.  I guess you really can't pick who you fall in love with.
⁴ I made the breakdown of Black Skinhead shorter because I felt that I had already rambled on way too long. Think of it as an early weekend present to you, my loyal reader.

0 5 for Friday, Memorial Day Weekend

A new 5 for Friday... Are you just imagining a new post on JDC?  No, you aren't. Here we are with some brand new thoughts. Seriously, the lack of posts by me in the recent few weeks is pretty lame. I'm really going to try to get better.  Although, I think I've said that the last few sporadic posts on here. But if I keep on saying it, then it will come true one of these times right?  Now let's get onto the ever so random 5 thoughts from me.

1.  Bucco fever. I think I'm starting to get a case of Bucco fever. They keep winning.  Not sure how. But they do. This last homestand they hit about .200 and still ended up 8-2. That's what winners do, find a way to win no matter what. Hopefully, I'll be writing about Bucco fever come October. So Let's go Bucs!

2.  Happy Endings being cancelled is so lame. Happy Endings was one of the funniest TV shows going but it was cancelled. I don't get how it can be cancelled while tons of other horrible shows are renewed. And the networks wonder why people don't watch as much.  I got the answer... It's cause you cancel good shows while keeping crap. If you stick with a good show and keep it on one night instead of moving it to Fridays the viewers will come.  So stop canceling good shows TV execs.

3.  Wallpaper removal ain't that bad. In my new house thee is a good bit of wallpaper and everyone said that it would be such a pain to get down. However, I (with some help from my brother and cousin) was able to get the wallpaper down in my bedroom in less than 4 hours.  The way people talk about wallpaper you would have thought it would take me days for a room.  There are two possible explanations for the discrepancy either my wallpaper is easy or people are too dramatic.  I'm leaning towards the latter. So don't be afraid of wallpaper cause getting rid of it ain't that hard.

4.  Apple keyboards suck. So I'm typing this blog post on my iPad and it sucks. I feel like I'm a grandma sending an email by hunting and pecking on keys.  And it's not just the iPad. I've had an iPhone for the past year almost and I still make mistakes typing. And the autocorrect is always correcting things in the wrong way. When I had my droid phone I could swype texts fast and accurately. It also didn't randomly change "to" to "TI" (maybe someone at Apple loves the Atlanta based rapper TI?). But now it's like I'm in the Stone Age. Why is it so bad?  I have no idea. But why the heck can't I pick what kind of keyboard. If I want to swype to type, let me swype Apple.  This is why Apple is losing its mojo. It treats all consumers like they are 5 years old. I want options but I get no options. All I know is that my next phone will be a droid. So does anyone want to trade me a S4 or HTC one for an iPhone 5?

5.  Holiday Weekends are Big Time. Extra long weekends are awesome (they feel even longer when it means you won't be in the office again until next Thursday but not many people can have that great of a schedule like I do).  They give you more time to relax. And when it's a weekend like Memorial Day weekend, it means there are fun events to go to like cookouts and parties.  I think we need more holidays so that we can have more long weekends. So, I'm looking at you Barry O, make it happen.

Everyone have a great Memorial Day weekend!

0 Sorry for the Absence & Big Time Hype Rankings

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, I ran into house buying hell the past couple weeks that ended up being a complete and utter time suck.  Just problems on problems on problems.  Bright side, I'm in my house and I have something to go on a really long and hopefully enjoyable rant.  That more detailed post about all of my trials and tribulations involving buying my house will be coming soon I promise. 

But completely unrelated to house buying, I'm launching a new feature called Marty's Big Time Hype Rankings, the place where I tell you what upcoming things that I think are going to be mind blowing and worth getting excited about...
5.  Great Gatsby.  I love the book and the movie looked like it was going to be really awesome.  But initial reviews are mixed.  Still I'm excited and it still could end up being pretty decent.  Uh oh, looks like some diminishing Big Time here. 
4. The Return of Franklin and Bash.  The best bro lawyers return on June 19th.  Can't get better than a show filled with bros, partying and lawyers.  More than a month away so the hype is simmering.  Now that's some simmering Big Time.
3. Star Trek Into Darkness.  J.J. Abrams is big time. The first Star Trek movie is big time.  And the sequel is out next week. Big Time for sure. 
2. Game of Thrones Season 3 episode 9.  Episode 9 is where the crazy awesome stuff usually happens in Game of Thrones.   Episode 9 is almost here, which is beyond Big Time.
1.  Kanye's first new single from his new album.  All Kanye albums are awesome, and his first single is supposed to debut on SNL next weekend.  Talk about the most Big Time.